Funny Things Talked About at Thanksgiving Table
Thanksgiving is full of good food, time with family and, of course, football. But it is also a time when it's handy to have some funny Thanksgiving quotes and sayings to keep everything light. Be prepared and check out our list of the best funny quotes for Thanksgiving that we gathered from across the internet. They include short funny Thanksgiving quotes for Instagram, funny Thanksgiving quotes for a smile, funny Happy Thanksgiving quotes and sayings, funny Thanksgiving sayings, funny turkey quotes and sayings, funny Happy Turkey Day sayings, and some funny captions on Thanksgiving for your turkey pics.
Whether you are looking for funny quotes for Thanksgiving to tickle your funny bone, an amusing caption for your Thanksgiving post or pics or just to add some humor to your day you should find what you are looking for here.
Jump ahead to your favourite category or just start scrolling to find your favorite funny quotes about Thanksgiving.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
Here are our favorite funny Thanksgiving quotes to give you a chuckle.
"I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." —Jon Stewart
"Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." —Johnny Carson
"I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online." —Kumail Nanjiani
"It's like being at the kids' table at Thanksgiving – you can put your elbows on it, you don't have to talk politics… no matter how old I get, there's always a part of me that's sitting there." – John Hughes
"Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour." – Augusten Burroughs
"When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup." – Sam Lefkowitz
"The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?" —Jim Gaffigan
"Thanksgiving—when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn't have to cook." – Melanie White
"I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate." —Andre Kelley
"Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car." – Stephen Colbert
"Even though we're a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas." —Richard Roeper
"If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch you must first invent the universe."—Carl Sagan
"Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics."—Stephen Colbert
"For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag."—Andy Borowitz
"I like football. I find it an exciting strategic game. It's a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving."—Craig Ferguson
"Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped."—Just Bill
"But see, in our open clearings, how golden the melons lie; Enrich them with sweets and spices, and give us the pumpkin-pie!" – Margaret Junkin Preston
"Thanksgiving offers us an annual pause from the pace of life return to places we do not often visit and gather with people we do not often see." – Jay Milbrandt
"I always think it's funny when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving. I mean, sure, the Indians and Pilgrims were best friends during the first Thanksgiving, but a few years later, the Pilgrims were shooting Indians. So I'm never quite sure why we eat Turkey like everybody else." – Sherman Alexie, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Short Funny Thanksgiving Quotes for Instagram
If you are looking for a funny caption for your next post that your followers will love check out this list of short funny Thanksgiving quotes for Instagram. You might also like our list of Short Fall Quotes for Instagram.
"Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants." —Kevin James
"It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak." —Phyllis Diller
"Here I am, 5 o'clock in the morning, stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt." – Rosanne in Rosanne
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." —Erma Bombeck
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie." —Jim Davis
"Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before."—Rita Rudner
"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out."—Jay Leno
"Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving."—Mike Connolly
"If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it's really like making a large chicken."—Ina Garten
"Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out."—Nicole Hollander
"Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life." —Lindsey Bareham
"Pie makes everybody happy."—Laurie Halse Anderson
"It's Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together!"—Rachel Green, Friends
"I can't cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast."—Charlie Brown
"Overeating at Thanksgiving is a case in point. It's a national tradition." – Eric Samuel Timm
"A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen."—Kin Hubbard
"After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."—Oscar Wilde
"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."—George Bernard Shaw
"Of all of the food filled holidays, Thanksgiving reigns king in the United States." – Gia Scott
"People who love to eat are always the best people." – Julia Child
"On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence."—William Jennings Bryan
"Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year." – P.J. O'Rourke
"When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around." – Willie Nelson
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes for a Smile
We love these funny Thanksgiving quotes for a smile. They will definitely put a smile on your face!
"The funny thing about Thanksgiving ,or any big meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it then go home and cook, chop, braise and blanch. Then it's gone in 20 minutes and everybody lies around sort of in a sugar coma and then it takes 4 hours to clean it up." – Ted Allen
"I'm looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family." – Damien Fahey
RELATED QUOTES: Short Family Quotes and Inspirational Family Quotes
"It's not too much food. This is what we've been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour." – Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
"Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line." —John Lyon
"There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American." – O. Henry
"My fondest memories are generally the day after Thanksgiving. I get the total decorating Christmas itch." – Katharine McPhee
"What we're really talking about is a wonderful day when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?" – Erma Bombeck
"Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home." —Melanie White
"Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence." —Erma Bombeck
"I'm from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I'm thankful for that?" —Howie Mandel
"We're having something different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing." —George Carlin
"Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty."—Michael Dresser
"A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying 'that smells good' to be helping."—Jimmy Fallon
"I'm looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family."—Damien Fahey
"You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, "Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave."—Dylan Brody
"I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it."—Robert Brault
"I love Thanksgiving because it is a holiday centered around food and family, two things that are of utmost importance to me." – Marcus Samuelsson
"'So what do we do?' We do what all families do. Grin, bear it, and pass the mashed potatoes." – Heather Brewer, Eleventh Grade Burns
Funny Happy Thanksgiving Quotes and Sayings
If you are looking for funny sayings for thanksgiving or funny Happy Thanksgiving quotes this section is for you.
"Turkey for the girls and Turkey for the boys. My favorite kind of pants are corduroys. Gobble gobble goo and Gobble gobble gickel. I wish turkey only cost a nickel. Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!" – Adam Sandler, The Thanksgiving Song
"Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you enjoy some moist turkey on your dinner table, and some juicy gossip around it."
"May the wishbone snap in your favor this Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving!"
"A best friend is someone who lets you have the last piece of pumpkin pie. Happy Thanksgiving to you!"
"This Thanksgiving, my heart is bursting with gratitude, and my pants are bursting with several helpings of mashed potatoes."
"This Thanksgiving, may your heart be as full as your belly."
"I hope your Thanksgiving table is full of your favorite food and surrounded by your favorite people."
"On this Thanksgiving day, let us be grateful that we were not born turkeys. Happy Thanksgiving!"
Funny Happy Thanksgiving Wishes
Here are a few funny Happy Thanksgiving wishes for the people in your life.
Happy Thanksgiving to someone who's taught me how to not hate holidays.
If I got to choose how I spend Thanksgiving, I would spend my time with you: eating pumpkin pie straight from the pie pan from the grocery store and falling asleep on the couch. Happy Thanksgiving
Four hours for the turkey, two hours for the pie, and another three hours for the green bean casserole. Thanksgiving is all about hard work and using your time wisely. That's why it'll take me a thousand hours to lose the Thanksgiving weight! Have a Happy Thanksgiving
This year has been full of ups and downs. We've stood together on the peaks of high mountains, and the depths of low valleys. I'm so thankful to have been there with you for those times. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. You know how passionate I am about football: sweaty, attractive men rolling around on the grass together. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Promise me something on this special Thanksgiving: if you die in the Black Friday stampede, I'll get to be the one to inherit your leftovers. Promise? Happy Thanksgiving!
Brightly colored leaves, an ornately laid out table filled with favorites, and the company of those we care about. This year, I am thankful for the opportunities to connect that this holiday brings. Hoping that your Thanksgiving brings all this and more.
Christmas is about presents. Easter is about chocolate. Valentine's Day is about, well…nevermind. Happy Thanksgiving!
Funny Thanksgiving Wishes
Enjoy these funny Thanksgiving wishes and share them with your favorite people.
May your Thanksgiving travels be miserable enough to make spending time with family seem comparatively tolerable.
Wishing you all the joys of the season, including warmth when it is cold, support when it is needed, and the opportunity to stop and give thanks.
Sending you Thanksgiving wishes this year from many miles away.
This Thanksgiving, may your heart be as full as your belly.
You're sweeter than pumpkin pie, sweet potato casserole, and apple cider all combined! I am the luckiest person in the world to have someone as delightful as you to celebrate Thanksgiving with. Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!
When we think about the Thanksgiving holiday, thoughts of turkey, dressing, and pumpkin pie fill our minds. However, as Thanksgiving draws near, my mind is filled with a year of reasons to be grateful. Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving.
When I was a kid, I didn't really understand Thanksgiving. All I knew was that I got to eat turkey! These past few years have shown me what this holiday is all about: being grateful for the wonderful people in our lives. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope your Thanksgiving table is full of your favorite food and surrounded by your favorite people.
I was going to wish you a Happy Turkey Day, but I didn't want to use any fowl language.
Thanksgiving is here, and I cran-barely contain my excitement. Hope you have a great Turkey Day.
Funny Thanksgiving Messages
Use these funny Happy Thanksgiving message in any cards, emails or messages you are sending out this Thanksgiving.
May all the delightful attributes of the season be with you, a house filled with the delicious smells of your favorite foods, the Macy's parade on television, and great conversations around the table.
Tomorrow we venture out to try and get the best deals of the season, fighting the crowds and participating in the madness. For today, however, we stop and give thanks for all the marvelous things we have in our lives. Happy Thanksgiving.
May the turkey leg be yours this Thanksgiving!
They say that Thanksgiving is the one day where we can gorge ourselves on food, go to sleep at eight in the evening, and ignore our family when they talk… Sounds about right.
The turkey is dressed and ready to go, your trimmings on the way. The football game is underway, and our loved ones are about to gather and express their gratitude. Happy Thanksgiving
Happy gobble gobble day. Eat up all that you can on this Thanksgiving, it's a feast!
The only reason why I'm glad that thanksgiving comes once in a year is that good things should always be less or else we don't value it! Glad that it's here, Happy Thanksgiving to you!
I hope you get a plump Turkey to fill you tummy with for this Thanksgiving Day. Enjoy the holiday to the fullest and have a quality time with the people who make your life worth thanking!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you enjoy some moist turkey on your dinner table, and some juicy gossip around it.
Funny Thanksgiving Sayings
Here are our favorite funny sayings about thanksgiving that no one quite knows who said first but still made us laugh.
"May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!"
"We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all."
"It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring."
"Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863."
"Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don't get any presents for holding in your familial rage."
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey."
"May your pants stay stretchy, your glasses stay full, and your family avoid talking politics."
"This is a reminder to set your scale back ten pounds this weekend."
"Leftovers are for quitters."
"It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds."
Funny Turkey Quotes and Sayings
The turkey is the star of Thanksgiving and here are some funny turkey quotes and funny turkey sayings.
"May the turkey leg be yours this Thanksgiving."
"It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it." – Alistair Cooke
"It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status." – Russell Baker
"If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself." —Mitch Hedberg
"Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg."—Tom Swyers
"Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?"—Kenny Rogerson
"Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude." —Ambrose Bierce
"You can't have Thanksgiving without turkey. That's like Fourth of July without apple pie, or Friday with no two pizzas."—Joey Tribbiani, Friends
"The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so." – Nora Ephron
"The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner." – Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Funny Happy Turkey Day Sayings
These funny Happy Turkey Day sayings are the best way to wish someone a Happy Thanksgiving.
"I was going to wish you a Happy Turkey Day, but I didn't want to use any fowl language."
"Thanksgiving is here, and I cran-barely contain my excitement. Hope you have a great Turkey Day."
"Turkey Day is the moist wonderful time of the year."
"May your Turkey Day be full of excitement… except for a couple of hours in there when you want to take a nap."
"Hope your relatives stay relatively sober and relatively non-political this Turkey Day."
"Hope your Turkey Day is full of fun, food, family, and most importantly, football."
Last Funny Quotes About Thanksgiving
Our last few funny quotes about Thanksgiving are well worth reading.
"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor." – Phyllis Diller
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." —Irv Kupcinet
"When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!" – David Letterman
"I dropped the turkey after rubbing olive oil all over it. I rinsed it off, rubbed the oil on again, and cooked it. Didn't tell anybody for 10 years… I just told them last year. Oh well, it didn't kill anybody or make them sick!" – Debbie K. Jefferson
"We began to view Thanksgiving as just another paid holiday." – Shari MacDonald
"I know what I'm having for Thanksgiving and it ain't turkey." – Anthony T. Hincks
If you like these funny quotes you might also like Funny Winter Quotes, Funny Halloween Quotes, Funny Hiking Quotes and Funny Mountain Quotes.
Funny Thanksgiving Captions
These are our favorite funny Thanksgiving captions from our list of Funny Captions About Thanksgiving. You might also want to check out our full list of Perfect Thanksgiving Captions.
Turkey and wine and I'm feeling fine
Let's get basted
Gobble 'til you wobble
Thanksgiving: A time to count blessings, not carbs
Current status: stuffed like a turkey
This wine pairs well with a crazy family
Here's the one photo we got before the food coma hit…
It's all gravy, baby
Eat, drink, and be thankful
Stop, drop, and pass the rolls
Hit me, gravy, one more time
B-autumns up
Eat, drink, and wear stretchy pants
Too blessed to be stressed
To do: Eat, drink, nap. Repeat.
Thankful, blessed, and mashed potato obsessed
Keep calm and gobble on
Funny Pumpkin Quotes and Captions
And what is Thanksgiving without pumpkins? Here are our favorites from our list of Perfect Pumpkin and Pumpkin Patch Captions.
Cutest pumpkins in the patch
Pumpkin Everything
Pumpkin season has begun
Pumped for pumpkins
Pure pumpkin goodness
I'm no Cinderella, but I know that pumpkins are magical
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
I've never met a pumpkin I didn't like
"I don't see how a pumpkin patch could be more sincere than this one." —It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
"I'd say the first thing you need is … a pumpkin." —Cinderella
"I tromped through the pumpkin patch." —The Nightmare Before Christmas
"If you're ever wondering what to wear, just dress like a pumpkin, you're good to go. — Devendra Banhart
"Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin."— Simone Schwarz-Bart
Funny Fall Quotes and Captions
Fall and Thanksgiving go hand in hand. You might want to check out our lists of Fall Quotes and Perfect Fall Captions for those crisp autumn days.
Autumn skies and pumpkin pies
Fall is my excuse for pumpkin everything
Pumpkin spice and everything nice
Autumn leaves and pumpkins please
Oh my gourd I love fall
By this time my blood type is pumpkin spice
Hay baby, hay baby, hay!
If you're not into fall, you can leaf me alone
Don't stop be-leafing
Keep calm and fall on
Fall? You mean football season!
Falling for this season
Don't sweat the fall stuff
"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees." — David Letterman
"No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees, no fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds — November!" — Thomas Hood
"It's like going back to school. You know, autumn! Time for 'Harry Potter'." — Robbie Coltrane
So that's our list. We hope you found the funny quotes on Thanksgiving you were looking for.
Let us know in the comments below if we missed a funny Thanksgiving quote that should be added and have a Happy Thanksgiving!
And now that Thanksgiving is here Christmas is just around the corner. And for when Christmas rolls around we have a list of Funny Christmas Quotes, Funny Christmas Captions, Perfect Christmas Captions, Short Christmas Quotes, Christmas Tree Quotes, Cute Christmas Quotes, Cute Christmas Captions, and Christmas Tree Captions that will get you in the holiday spirit.
Since December is almost here its time to check out our December Quotes and Sayings to welcome this most festive of months.
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Other quotes lists that you may be interested in:
Sunflower Quotes
Camping Quotes
Fishing Quotes
Source: https://routinelynomadic.com/funny-thanksgiving-quotes-sayings/
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